A Life Together
by muffin Lady 0o
Summary: A series of oneshots depicting the married life of Dairine and Roshaun. And, as always, things can always get better. It will always be amusing, as only Dairine and Roshuan can make it.
1. Wedding Vows

**A/N: I had this idea, because all the other fanfictions out there are mostly angst. All the oneshots, anyways. I had to write it. There's a story behind the idea, which I will tell you when I'm done. **

**Help! Oneshots that AREN'T angst-y, WE NEED YOU! ((So that means get your arses up there.))**

**Disclaimer: If I'm Diane Duane, then the world is ruled by flying toasters wearing Santa hats. **

All the benches were filled. The left half his family, and the right half hers. His half was much, much taller, and they had hair that seemed much longer than the normal human's. but that was beside the point. There was much muttering going around as people talked, while the rest were getting seated. Standing there, in a special tuxedo tailored to fit his abnormally tall size, Roshaun felt butterflies rise up in his stomach. He was nervous, and for once, he wasn't afraid to admit it.

He had agreed, though rather reluctantly, to have the wedding on Earth, the traditional way. In a chuch and everything. Or something like that. Was it a chuch or maybe a ruch? He forgot already, but he didn't care. At that moment, a loud kind of music Dairine said was called an 'organ' started playing. How did one play an organ? Weren't they inside your body? Anyways, the crowd of people all silenced themselves and turned to face the large doors at the opposite end of the isle.

A little girl, no older than six, maybe, came down the isle in a pink dress with a floofy skirt and poofy short sleeves, plodding happily in her shiny black shoes and little white socks with frills on the edge where they folded down. Roshaun couldn't remember who the girl belonged to, only that she pitched a huge fit until she had gotten her way on insisting she wear a headband made of flowers, and she got it. He would never be as irresponsible as that when raising the kids of his own.

Next, came a little boy. This one, he knew, was his little brother, Dallaa. His parents had been worried that Roshaun would never have kids of his own, so they had another son to take his place when the time came. The little boy came down the isle, poised erect, and holding out the red velvet pillow in front of him at a perfect ninety degree angle to himself, two golden bands situated on top.

Then, the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen came, each holding the arm of the other. Nita and Kit came up, dressed in outfits identical to the others like them, and they both smiled at Roshaun, who nodded, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead and off the tip of his nose. Maybe, if he was slick enough, he could scoot sideways out of the picture and make a getaway and nobody would notice?

The organ music struck up another tune, and every head turned again, to watch the two big doors at the end of the isle. That music was like a leash. Roshaun couldn't leave now. It was too late. Besides, curiosity overcame him. Earlier that day, he had tried to walk in Dairine's room to see her and get some reassurance and ask a couple questions about this mating ritual of hers here, but before he could get the door all the way open, an opposing force smashed against the other end of the door, saying it was NOT good luck to see the bride before the wedding, so go away dangit! Confused as he had been, he left her and the rest of the people in the room in peace for the rest of the day, and averting his eyes every time a female walked past him.

Now, he looked up from his feet, those of which he had been currently studying with mild interest, and his first impression was that of an angel. White, and lots of it. Linked arm in arm with the white angel, was Mr. Callahan. They walked so slow! Roshaun was resisting the urge to run up to her there and take her back there himself out of anticipation, but he didn't. it wasn't what they had practiced earlier. At the end of the isle, Dairine let go of her father's arm, and he hugged her and kissed his cheek, and Roshaun could see little tears in the corners of her eyes. Oh no! what had he done now to mess up? What was so bad that it made her cry?

She looked up, and when her eyes met his, he was overcome with a wave of calmness. She took the remaining steps forward, and stood, in front of him and facing him. Both of them smiled, and Roshaun felt purely at ease.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered on this most joyous occasion, to witness the bonds of love between these two people." he gestured to Roshaun, then Dairine. There was a pause after he said this.

Then, came a sound. For the people in the back, it sounded merely of a cough, but to those up in the very front rows, the ones closest to the altar…

"Your corsage is on the wrong side."

The silence ensued was deafening.

"No it isn't" came the reply.

"The love shared between the two, stronger than any power on the earth…" the Priest continued a bit hesitantly.

"Yes it is. It's supposed to be on the left side." Dairine said, slightly louder and gestured to the other side of his tuxedo, where the corsage flower was not.

"No, it's supposed to be here!" he nodded his head at the flower on his lapel. Dairine rolled her eyes in a very childish way, though not as childish as the reply that was to come of that; one that no adult should ever be caught saying.

"Yeah? Well, your veil is crooked."

"No it isn't!"

"Through sickness and in health-" the Priest was getting a bit unnerved at these two people. They didn't seem to show much love for each other. It was possible they were being forced to, or they were marrying for money.

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't! I put it on myself!"

"Ah. That would explain why then." Dairine's eyebrows knit together and Roshaun began to smirk.

_Seem to be getting along nicely, aren't they? _Kit shot the though out at Nita, and glanced a look in both Roshaun's parents' direction as well as Diarine's, who were both shocked speechless, as was the rest of the crowd of people, listening to the two clearly audible now young couple argue their way through a wedding ceremony, right at the altar.

_I can't believe she would do something like this…_ Kit could hear the embarrassment in Nita's voice.

"Well, your shoe is untied!" Dairine countered. Roshaun looked down at his shoe, ready to open his mouth and shoot back a retort on how it was not, when Dairine reached up and flicked his nose, like all the kids used to do in elementary school. Roshaun's glare was so heated, it melted the ice sculpture back in the reception room two blocks away, though that may have also had something to do with his wizardry. Dairine never faltered.

"Well, your dress makes you look fat!" Dairine gasped, as did the rest of the audience, and then stomped her foot in annoyance.

"It does not you meanie!"

_Meanie?_ moaned Nita in her head. Kit resisted the urge to snigger, though it came at a great effort.

The argument continued, shooting insults back and forth, as the wedding guests watched in silent horror. This couple, arguing at the altar, on their wedding day, about how the dress made the bride look and that the groom's corsage was on the wrong side. Shouldn't all this be considered one big oxymoron?

"Umm, are you two ready to get married or not? Should I even bother to continue?" the Priest had one raised eyebrow, despite the shining face of his. Both of their heads turned so fast they swore it may have gone spinning off their shoulders. Fire in their eyes,

"If you're so concerned-" Roshaun started,

"-Then get on with it!" Dairine finished. Then they both turned back to each other.

"You interrupted me while I was talking!" they both bellowed at the same time. The priest shook his head in dismay. He was getting too old for this. It wasn't a wedding he would easily forget, though he had just lost forty IQ points, earned himself a few more gray hairs, and was thinking seriously of retiring on the spot then and there.

"Then do you, Roshaun, take Dairine to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"Yes Dairine, but-" he was still arguing with Dairine, but as long as he said the word yes, or any similarity of it, he would move on, weather he heard the priest or not.

"And do you, Dairine, take Roshaun to be your lawful wedded husband?"

"Maybe so, but you fail to realize-" the priest took it as a yes also.

"Then," he said loudly, so as to be heard above the arguing two and to be noted by the crowd of slack-jawed relatives and friends, "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may-"

"Would you just shut up for a second?" Dairine shouted exasperatedly. Then she reached up, grabbed the back of Roshaun's neck, and brought his lips crashing down on hers, efficiently silencing him.

There was a large gap of silence between the point of impact and all pause and cheers, but it did eventually come. The priest, smiling slightly at himself for accomplishing such a tedious task. Although, when he stepped down off the altar, he was thinking firmly of a drink at the pub a few blocks away.

**A/N: Well, how'd you like it? Yes, I know I made it a bit childish for adults at a wedding, but here's the story behind it all. **

**So I have this friend, we'll call her 'Mary' ((I'm leaving real names out for privacy purposes)) and a guy friend called 'Bob' **

**Well, I used to like Bob. And our form or talking, ((or flirting, according to Mary)) was arguing. And we would do it CONSTANTLY. Well, I don't like him anymore, but we still argue all the time! Over the littlest things! So it is Mary's prediction that he and I will one day grow up and get married, and this will be our wedding. Argument and everything. And then I was reading WaW and I saw the very eerie similarities between Dairine and Roshaun and Myself and Bob. Thus, the story was born. **

**Flames accepted. **


	2. The Couch

**A/N: I decided to turn this into a chaptered story of many little mini stories. Like throughout the course of their marriage. I'll add when I have an epiphany. This would be one. This also means I have to change the title and the summary, but oh well. that's the price I pay for…whatever I'm doing. **

**Disclaimer: If you seriously think I'm Diane Duane, I feel very flattered. **

There it was, sitting in all it's glory. With it's fake leather upholstery and cushy, cotton-y insides, how could it not? The pillows sat regally, leaning against the arms and back, and a simple afghan throw sat innocently atop the back, unaware that it clashed terrifically with the drapes by the windows.

The middle. Of all the places to put a couch, he had to put it in the very center of the floor, didn't he? It didn't matter if they were still unpacking boxes in the new house; the couch was always put somewhere out of the way, for firsts, and it always, ALWAYS faced the TV, like a good couch should. And he _had _to place it facing the kitchen, didn't he? What was so special about the kitchen? All there was to do was cook and eat…

Maybe there was a point to the couch positioned this way after all…

"ROSHAUN!" Dairine bellowed from downstairs. Roshaun came, plodding along, in baggy sweatpants, some of Dairine's old slippers, and that signature lollipop in his mouth.

"What now?" he asked. This had been happening a lot lately, yelling at each other for leaving boxes out and about, and so on.

"Do you see this?" she jerked her thumb at the piece of furniture behind her.

"Yes, I see the coach." he answered. Dairine rubber her temples.

"_Couch_ Roshaun, couch." she corrected. Roshaun rolled his eyes.

"Couch, whatever. What about it?"

"Do you see where it is?" she asked this like it was obvious. Of course, it was, but not in the way she meant it to be.

"I see it sitting in on the ground, in the living room, as you call it." Boy, he wasn't getting the hang of her sayings at all.

"Exactly. And do you know what is _wrong_ with this picture?" she asked this as if it were obvious too. Roshaun pondered this for a moment.

"Um, the blanket is crooked?" he took a stab at it. Dairine's mouth twitched slightly.

"No. The couch is in the middle of the floor!" she exploded.

"And what's wrong with it?" Roshaun demanded, leaning in the doorway and folding his arms.

"What's wrong with it? We don't put our couches in the middle of the floor here!"

"Back on Wellakh, we place our couches in the middle of the floor all the time!" he argued.

_And it looks stupid._ Dairine thought, hoping it didn't transfer over to Roshaun's thoughts.

"What's wrong with it? Everything! For one, the couch, on Earth, does not belong in the middle of the floor, and two, it's always, ALWAYS placed facing the TV!"

"The Noisy Box with moving pictures, right?"

"That's the one," Dairine spoke with a level voice, trying to keep her cool.

"Well, for your information, the couch is NOT placed in the middle!" Roshaun countered.

"Yes it is! The very geographical center of it!" Dairine retorted. Roshaun shook his head and walked over.

"No, I knew that with your imperfectness, you couldn't stand things being perfect. It's off by about fifteen centimeters."

"Close enough!" Dairine shouted. She had had it up to _here_ with him!

"I don't care how off-center it is, I'd just like you to move it! Now!" she shouted, pointing at the couch with extreme prejudice. If the couch hadn't been inanimate, it would have been confused at the extremeness of prejudice of pointing and shouting.

"What if I don't want to?" Roshaun said. Dairine's finger fell limply to her side, but she quickly regained her composure.

"Well, you're going to have to anyways." she said, folding her arms, looking like a shorter, female version mirror-image version of Roshaun himself.

"Well, I'm not going to." he said, as if that settled the matter. Dairine wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES, DANGIT!" she screamed, purple in the face. Roshaun was silent for a moment. A spark of hope arose in Dairine. Had she won?

"No." he said after a dramatic pause. Dairine's spark went out. So much for that.

"Fine! Then I'll do it myself." Dairine stood straight, as tall as she would go, and poked Roshaun in his chest. "And you're the one sleeping on it tonight." she said. Although his face didn't show it like his eyes did, Dairine knew he didn't like this prospect. It was either his head or his feel that stuck out over the edge of it whenever he slept there.

"I'd like to see you try and move it." he said back, trying to act like he didn't hear her threat. Dairine gave a satisfied smirk, and turned to the couch. It was pretty big, and big things were always heavy. They were also a lot harder to move on the carpet…

She got down, put her hands on the arm of the couch, and pushed. Nothing happened. Blushing from embarrassment, she tried again. She actually put so much effort behind the push she grunted. She could feel Roshaun's eyes boring into her skull.

"Did I mention it's quite heavy?" she could hear the smirk in his voice. She didn't turn around.

"Must have slipped your mind, I daresay." she strained. Then she pushed again, her feet slipping away behind her. The couch moved all but five inches.

About twelve grunts later and a couch that had been moved a little more than a foot, an exhausted Dairine collapsed on the couch, face up, with beads of sweat on her face. Who knew just moving a couch would be such hard work? She clapped her hands to her face in defeat. Roshaun was right, for once! How could that be? She was being bested by _him_? How humiliating! He'd start gloating any moment now.

Suddenly, the couch began moving.

Dairine raised her head from the couch and looked. Roshaun was at the foot, his head visible between her feet.

"You need to push with your legs, not your arms. And you don't throw your weight into it. Focus it instead." he huffed out. Dairine just sat and watched him as, slowly but surely, he moved the couch to the place Dairine specified earlier, off against a wall, and facing the television. When he was done, he stood up and dusted himself off. Dairine jumped off the couch and gave him a hug.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." she said. Roshaun wrapped his arms around her.

"I didn't move it for you. I decided I like it better this way." he said. Dairine was about to open her mouth to retort, but decided against it.

"Sure you didn't."

She would let it slide this time. **((A/N: Haha I made a pun! And I just realized it too!))**

**A/N: Bwahaha! Fear the almighty couch! Another story to add to the infamous book of chaptered oneshots. Here's to hoping you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. Sorry it took so long to get up. I had a chapter I was writing, but it lost it's touch. And also, I'm trying to keep things in chronological order, Otherwise, I'd have like 5 chapters up by now. **

**Reviews are nice. **


	3. Cuddle Withdraw

**A/N: Huzzah! An update!! Credit to this chapter, however, does not go to me, as I did not write this. Mary, the one I told you about, did. This was because I had extreme writer's block, and had no idea what to write. So Mary wrote it, and I'm typing it up, and it shall be the next chapter. **

**For all of you who requested a fluffier chapter, here it is. Enjoy it while it lasts, because you probably won't see one for a long time to come. You'll know why after the next few chapters. **

It was a beautiful morning. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the endless blue seemed to travel miles across until it reached the roofs of the houses in a happy, magical place called Suburbia.

There was just one problem in that paradise.

That blasted sun.

Specifically, the sun's ascent into the sky.

Roshaun groaned and blocked his eyes with a hand and wondered briefly if he should have fixed the dang thing. He saves the Earth from disaster, and this is how it repays him?

He followed his morning ritual. With the groaning and the eye-blocking done, it was time to commence with the rolling over and attempting to hide under Dairine.

He rolled over, but there was something missing.

His wife.

There was no comfy wife to block the sun and cuddle up with!

He wondered what was going on. Usually, it was _him _that was forced to sleep on the couch. Roshaun felt a brief moment of pride in himself. For once, it was he who got to stay in the rather comfortable bed.

He sighed. It wasn't worth it to stay in the bed. He wanted his morning cuddle. By moving, Dairine had messed up his morning routine, and that needed to be corrected.

Somehow, he managed to drag himself out of the bed and toss on a shirt over his bare torso and PJ pants with what Dairine had called a 'Spongebob.' he didn't know what a Spongebob was, but the pants were comfy, and he would rather admit to being wrong than give them up.

That's how comfy they were.

He plodded down the stairs, trying to hold his poor, tired, uncuddled eyes open as he turned into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw his wife, looking just as bad as he probably did. She had her feet curled up under her as she drank her morning coffee, too tired to hold her caffeine-deprived eyes open. He took a step into the kitchen, and her eyes snapped open.

Maybe she _wasn't_ so tired then.

Roshaun made his morning cup of coffee, much more alert than usual. He poured the contents of the pot into his mug and went to the table, sitting in his chair.

Dairine stared at him as he picked out a lollipop with care, decided on an orange one, and began to stir his drink with it. She calmly waited for her husband to finish before confronting him.

Roshaun took a sip of his coffee that was not orange-flavored. To each his own.

"Well," said Dairine calmly while examining her fingernails. The dramatics weren't necessary, but it was fun to make the proud man look as if he were about to wet his pants. "We need to talk."

Roshaun watched his wife pick her nails with something akin to fear in his gut. He knew it was nothing; she was being overdramatic. But hey! The woman was scary and could probably hurt him severely if she tried. Still, those three words were not the ones one wanted to hear when they had just woken up, and wanted their cuddle time.

"What about?" he asked casually. _'Stay calm. She can smell your fear!' _

"Oh," she answered calmly. "Nothing much."

Something much, and they both knew it.

Dairine studied him as he hid behind his long, blonde hair, which she had chopped up to his shoulders as of late. He wouldn't allow it to go any shorter; he called it 'Improper.' At least it wasn't in weird little curly spikes that looked like fishhooks, like a kid she knew back in high school.

She waited for it…

"What about?" Roshaun asked, so pathetically it could almost be called cute.

Almost.

"Well, as you may have noticed, the two of us live in this house correct?" He nodded his head cautiously.

"Yes." he answered in a weak, little voice.

He was not cute.

Not a bit.

In fact, she had no idea where these thoughts had stemmed from. He was still in his PJ's for pete's sake! Though, Spongebob was a good look for him…

"And you have noticed that it costs money to keep it, right?" Dairine asked, looking at him mildly. He looked at her with wide, green eyes.

"Yes." he squeaked in a please-don't-hurt-me sort of manner. She supposed it was just the cuddle withdraw she was suffering from, because that's the only reason she could think of that would make her be so uninterested in tormenting him.

"Here's where we hit a small problem." she said. "My pay just got cut, so we're going to have sp trouble keeping this nice house that you love so much."

Roshaun's head jerked up, and the puppy eyes were replaced with worried ones.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" The grin that lit up his wife's face was quite possibly the scariest thing he had ever seen in his life. He knew there was a reason he fell in love with her, yet he couldn't recall what.

"Why yes." she answered innocently. So innocently, in fact, that Roshaun noticed that he had just strolled headlong into a trap.

See what lack of cuddles could do to a person? Totally threw off his day, this lack of quality cuddle time.

"And just what would that be?" he asked. _'Do your worst, woman. I can take anything you throw at me.' _

"Well," she appeared to be thinking. "You could try getting a job."

Anything but that.

"What?!"

Dairine took a lollipop for herself (grape) and stuck it in her mouth.

"You need to get a job. Really! It's not hard at all! All you have to do is fill out an application." Roshaun couldn't do anything but stare, open-mouthed, in shock.

"Me, a King, work?" he spluttered.

"Um, hate to break it to you honey, but you gave that up so you could be with me, remember?"

"Yes."

"Well, seeing as you're NOT a king, and we are dirt-poor college students, you need to get a job." Roshaun opened his mouth to protest, but Dairine gave him a look. His mouth shut instantly, and Dairine allowed herself a small smile.

"Now, I was thinking of possible jobs, and I came up with a list of ten that you could choose from." she handed over a piece of paper that she had been holding up until recently.

_**Possible Jobs for Roshaun**_

Great, she made him sound like a four-year-old who was being a chore list.

_**1) Drive-Through Worker. **_

He had a sudden mental image of himself dressed in the red-and-yellow attire of a McDonald's worker, asking some fat lady and her six kids if they wanted fries with that.

No.

_**2) Garbage Truck Driver. **_

He had another mental image of himself, this time as a good little trash man, only to slip on a banana peel and fall into the back of the truck where all the reject drivers go: The Compressor.

He winced.

No.

After saying no to a scuba diver, a mailman, pizza delivery man, plumber, and truck driver, he eventually found a job that looked Semi-interesting.

A Librarian. He cocked his head.

He didn't know why, but he had always found books fascinating. From picture books to fantasy books to TV manuals, words were his friend. His father said it had something to do with his wizardry.

Still, a mere librarian! He could obviously do better than that, and he told his wife so.

"Yes Roshaun, you CAN do better than that, once you get out of school. Until then, it is the law that all of us lowly college students take the reject jobs so we can afford to pay our bills, and the only money we shall have left to buy are Ramen noodles and pancake mix.

"But I like Ramen!" Roshaun protested. Dairine allowed her head to fall into her hands with a soft '_plop._'

"Not my point!"

"Then what IS your point?"

"If you want to be able to eat your Ramen and keep this house, you have to get a job!" Dairine sighed as she said this. She didn't really want to make Roshaun feel bad about having to get a job, and she didn't want to feel bad about forcing him to give up his dignity and get one when she usually had no problem doing just that.

It must be cuddle withdraw.

That, and the way his hair hung in his eyes as he thought and the way he sucked so seductively on his lollipop.

He had to be doing that on purpose.

He returned the lollipop to his coffee.

"Fine."

Dairine grinned, leapt from her chair and flung her arms around his neck. He laughed and wrapped his own arms around her.

"Thank you." she murmured into his chest. His very muscular chest.

"Welcome." he answered, his chin resting atop her messy hair. Her very nice-smelling messy hair.

"Are you still tired?" he asked suddenly. Dairine shook her head.

"Not in the slightest." she laughed.

"Good." Roshaun took her arm and dragged her upstairs for some quality cuddle time.

Xxxx

'_Right.' _thought Dairine as she lay in bed, her head resting on his shoulder. _'Maybe we'll be able to think straight now.' _

He bent down to kiss her on her head, but she turned her head up at the last second, causing their lips to collide.

'_I hate him.' _she thought. He moved to get up, but she took his arm and dragged him back down. _'I really do.' _

**A/N: There you go. Flufiness. I hope you enjoyed it, because Mary thinks I'm going to slaughter her now, for reasons explained in the Author's note at the end of the first chapter. This is only if you think of it as me and… what did I call him… Bob? Oh well. Even I have to admit, it is a good chapter. I promise I'll try and update sooner. **


	4. Brownie Points

-1**A/N: Okay, so this is basically starts a bit later from where the last chapter left off. As a waning, this will most likely not happen again. If it does, and someone notifies me of it, I will write a chapter request of their choice, or, if none comes to mind, one of pure, solid fluff with absolutely not point whatsoever. **

**And to (me), this story really has no point to it, it's just a book of chaptered oneshots in chronological order to make things easier on all of us. I'm sorry if this disappoints any of you. **

Roshaun looked up at the first building in front of him. It was tall, and made completely out of brick, as Dairine had mentioned. On the very front of it, facing the street, was the face of a large clock; one that kept time for the whole of suburbia.

Roshaun shivered in the bitter autumn wind and hugged his jacket closer to his body. There was no point in dawdling out here, because it would not only make him late for his job interview, but with his hair tangled and mussed and a bright red nose. Not too appealing, he must say.

He took a deep breath and trudged into the library, letting in a swoosh of chilly air that sent the people behind the shelves shivering in the cold. Once the door closed, he took in a deep breath. It was the scent of paper and leather and the glue binding them together. A very comforting smell.

His hand clutched the résumé in his jacket pocket and he walked toward the back of the library, where the interview was held. He was told to wait by the secretary in one of the waiting chairs until it was time for him. Roshaun went over and sat in a little plastic, orange chair with metal legs. His knees were practically touching his chest on account of his height, and some of his muscles were stretching in ways that they were not to be stretched. The secretary looked at him strangely, but said nothing and continued her typing.

"Hello. Who are you?" asked a small voice from next to him. He turned his head, and there sat a little boy, probably no more than six.

"Roshaun." said Roshaun simply.

"Oh." said the little boy.

"What's yours?" Asked Roshaun. The boy smiled.

"Patrick. Are you new around here?" Patrick asked. Roshaun had to think for a moment.

"Well, sorta." he finally settled with the answer. Patrick cocked his head.

"What do you mean, 'sorta?' You're either new, or you're not."

"Well, I came here a long time ago, when I was about twice as old as you, and then left for a long time. And now, I'm back." he said. Patrick's mouth formed a small 'o' of realization.

"So where are you from then?" asked Patrick.

"Wellakh." Roshaun answered. Again, Patrick cocked his head.

"Where's that?"

"It's another planet, not far off from here." Roshaun stated. Patrick nodded wisely.

"That makes sense. No wonder you're so tall."

"Yeah. And my hair should be longer, but my wife made me cut it off." Roshaun was lost in the memoirs of his beautiful hair, and Patrick giggled.

"Your wife sounds mean." he said. Roshaun quickly shook his head.

"Oh, no! It's nothing like that! We love each other, but sometimes, you have to change for the other person you love." he said. Patrick nodded again as if he understood, but Roshaun knew that he wouldn't until he was older.

"Well, if I really wanted, I could make it grow back. I'm a wizard too, you know." he told Patrick. Patrick looked wide-eyed.

"Really? Do something!" he exclaimed. Roshaun held out his hand, and said a spell most wizards use if they were ever to accidentally tell someone they were a wizard. Of course, he didn't say it on accident this time, but nobody was really going to believe a little kid anyways. He closed his eyes and soon, a bouquet of daisies popped into his hand with a small 'whomp' of displaced air. Creating the flowers out of nothing left him a bit breathless, but he handed the flowers to Patrick all the same, who hugged them close.

"Wow! That was amazing! Do you know any others?" he asked. Roshaun began to get nervous.

"I don't have time now. I'm here for a job interview." Roshaun said, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm here to read. And maybe get a book, if Mommy says it's alright." Patrick said.

"Mr. Callahan? Mr. Daley will see you now." the secretary said. Roshaun stood up, and his legs creaked back into feeling.

"Hope you do well." Patrick said quietly to him. Roshaun smiled down at him.

"Thanks." he walked over to the door he was supposed to go through, but the secretary stopped him.

"My, my. You have quite the way with kids." she said. "I just loved the part about you being from another planet! You have quite the imagination." she smiled warmly at him, and he laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I made it up on the spot." he agreed, though he was sure that she knew. Absolutely sure.

"Well, hurry along, Mr. Daley doesn't like to be kept waiting for very long. Although, I'm sure that if you told him that you were entertaining a little boy, he would give you a few brownie points." Brownie points? Were those things that you earned to get brownies around here? That sounded like a good idea to him. Maybe he should suggest this technique to Dairine…

"Mr. Callahan, it's nice to meet you." Said the boss, Mr. Daley, his hand extended over the large oak desk in front of him. Roshaun took it and they shook.

"Sorry I'm a bit late. I was entertaining a little boy who was bored and lost track of time." Roshaun decided that whatever brownie points were, he would like to have them if he worked here. He then took his résumé out of his pocket and handed it over to Mr. Daley before taking a seat. Daley scanned through it.

"It says here that you are a very quick learner. What do you mean by that?" he asked. Roshaun was ready, because he had rehearsed this with Dairine before he left for the interview.

"It means that whatever you want me to do, I can do it, and it won't take me a long time to do it or learn. Show me once and I'm good."

"Alright, and what do you mean by 'Ever since I was little, books have been my passion.'? "Daley asked while writing something down on a small pad of paper.

"Well, it means exactly what it says. I have always loved books, even as a child. I was able to read by age five, and ever since, I've only been advancing in my knowledge of things. There is always so much to know that nobody could know all of it at once." this was the answer he had rehearsed with Dairine beforehand.

"Have you had any prior experience in this area or others?" Daley asked. Roshaun, still on his personal high of happiness at the goings thus far of his interview, was caught off guard.

"Why would I? Kings do not need to work!" Roshaun said, and then froze. That wasn't what he was supposed to say!

"Ahh, I see." Daley scribbled something more down on his little notepad. "So you worked at Burger King." Roshaun let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"Uhh, yeah, I worked at Burger King." Roshaun said, not having the slightest clue as to what a 'Burger King' was.

"Well, You seem to be a very competent worker, and you also seem responsible enough. And all this is aside from the fact that you also seem to have a natural charm with children. I'm going to compare you to your other competitors for the job, and I'll call you sometime within the week. How's that sound?" Daley asked. Roshaun nodded.

"Great. I'll see you later then!" Daley bent his head over a piece of paper and started to write, signaling to Roshaun that it was his time to leave. Roshaun gladly leapt out of the chair and fled hastily towards the door.

"So, how did it go?" Asked the secretary, with that twinkle in her eye. Roshaun moaned and slapped a hand over her face. The secretary didn't say anything; she was used to that kind of reaction. And whenever they did that, they always came in the next day, bright and happy.

Roshaun walked the five blocks back to his house with his hands jammed deep into the recesses of his pockets, muttering angrily to himself. He had earned himself quite the collection of stares from the people he passed. What was he thinking? Couldn't he have given a better answer than that? 'Kings don't work'?! It was all he could do to stop himself from running headlong into the next tree.

"So? How did it go?" Dairine asked when he stepped in the door. He groaned loudly and flopped, face first, into the couch.

"It couldn't have been that bad." Dairine assured, setting herself down beside him. He moaned again, then stopped and put his head up.

"Can we use brownie points here?" he asked suddenly. "Because the secretary said that if I mentioned something to the boss, I could get brownie points. Can we?"

Dairine was quiet and stunned.

"Well, sure, but I don't know how much you really ant to do that…"

"Sure I do! What could be better that brownie points?" Roshaun asked. "You get points, and then you turn them in for brownies!"

Dairine laughed. "No, Roshaun. Brownie points are for when you do something good. Then, it helps when you want something. In other words, you sort of suck up, or say what the other person wants to hear or see you do, so they reward you in some way." Roshaun was silent for a moment.

"Hmm…Maybe we DON'T want them here then…" Dairine laughed again.

"Well, we'll know tomorrow or not weather your brownie points paid off."

Xxxx

"So, how long do you think it'll be before I get a call?" asked Roshaun, sitting at the kitchen table after cuddle time was over. He stirred his coffee with a green apple lollipop this morning. Dairine shrugged and stirred her own with a cherry one.

"Dunno. You might want to get dressed though, in case he wants you to come in today." she said. Roshaun took her warning and bolted up the stairs. The phone rang.

"Could you get that?" Roshaun bellowed. Dairine smiled a little smile and took the phone off the hook.

"Hello, may I speak with Roshaun Callahan please?" a male voice spoke into the phone. Dairine twirled the cord around her finger.

"He's busy at the moment. May I take a message?"

"Yes. Tell him that he has been accepted at the NY Public Library. And tell him that I expect to see him here at nine o'clock sharp on Wednesday, alright?"

"I'll give him the message." Dairine promised, then hung up the phone.

"Oh Rosha-au-n!" Dairine called in her sing-songy voice, leaning in the doorway upstairs, watching Roshaun struggle and squirm to get his Spongebob pants off and a pair of normal clothes on.

"Dairine, sweetie, can't you see that I'm kind of in the middle of something here?" he _pant_ed, to pardon the pun.

"I think you can wait for a second." she said. He turned his head.

"Yes?"

"Well, you just got a call-"

"**_I_** got a call?"

"Yes, you got a call. From the Library." All was silent after this was spoken. Even the little invisible crickets, who like to chirp at awkward silences, were quiet.

"You made it!" Dairine squealed, and threw herself onto Roshaun, knocking him back onto the bed and kissing him a thousand times over.

"I made it?" he managed to gasp between kisses. Dairine giggled.

"Yes! You made it! You start at nine on Wednesday!" she said. Roshaun gulped, and his eyes widened.

"Nine o'clock? In the _morning_?!"

**A/N: Okay, so for the first question: I made Roshaun's last name Callahan, because I don't remember it mentioning his last name, and even if it did, it would probably be too weird for the humans on earth to pronounce. So they settled with Callahan. **

**Also, the pun was terrible. Sorry for that. **

**I suppose it's a bit fluffy. I hope you enjoy. I certainly know that I can't wait for the next chapter…**

**FORESHADOWING!!!!!!! **

**((I hate my English teacher for the corruption my mind like this. Foreshadowing? xP))**


	5. They Knew IT Was Coming

-1**A/N: Well, another chapter. Things can only get more interesting from here, and you'll understand why pretty soon. One of my favorite chapters to write is coming up sometime, so get ready. **

**Again, I own nothing. Except the plot. Which is mine. Because I wrote it. Not D.D. Got it?**

Dairine sat at the couch, sipping a mug of hot chocolate and thinking deeply. The house was much too quiet, as Roshaun had not yet returned home from his job. She stared quietly at the wall, turning an idea over and over in her mind.

_Should she, or shouldn't she? _

If she decided that she didn't, the whole thought didn't matter anymore. But if she decided that she, in fact, _did_ want kids, how was she going to tell this to Roshaun? Was he ready for kids? What if he wasn't?

There were too many questions.

Dairine stood up and filled her hot chocolate mug again. Chocolate helped her to think, and hot chocolate was twice as good as normal chocolate.

There was the sound of a motor turning on, and metal scraping metal. Roshaun was home. Dairine set down her mug and waited. This wasn't going to be an easy thing to explain.

"Hello, honey." Roshaun marched through the door grandly, as if thunderous applause was to greet him on sight.

"Roshaun, I need to talk to you." Dairine was so serious that Roshaun was startled. Dairine was _never _this serious. And she had been serious _plenty_ of times before. Mainly, when she was telling him off. Or telling him to do something.

"What is it, Dairine?" he quickly sat down on the couch next to her. She cradled her steaming mug and didn't look at him.

"Roshaun…I-" she took a deep breath. "Iwantustohavekids."

A confused silence ensued.

"You want what? I didn't catch anything after that." Roshaun said truthfully. Dairine took another deep breath, as if that factor alone would keep her from passing out.

"I…I want to have children, Roshaun. Kids of our own." Dairine didn't face him, but Roshaun could tell that her face was flushing.

The silence that followed this wasn't even comparable to the one before.

"You _WHAT?" _Roshaun managed, when he could find his voice. Dairine finally raised her head and faced him. Despite the bright red shading around her cheeks, she had a determined look on her face. Roshaun, however, was pale with wide eyes and the facial expression equivalent of one that had just seen a mildly disturbing sight calling their name.

"I want kids." Dairine stated strongly. Roshaun felt a slow churning in the pit of his stomach.

"You mean…_kids_ kids?" Roshaun asked. Dairine rolled her eyes.

"No, I want the marshmallow kind." She said, voice lathered in sarcasm.

"Marshmallow kids?" Roshaun cocked his head. Dairine repressed a scream. Roshaun obviously didn't catch it.

"Roshaun, that was sarcasm. Of course I meant kids kids!" Dairine shot out. "Look, you have a well-paying job, and we have a nice house, and the neighborhood is perfect for raising children! I don't want us to wait until we're too old and look like grandparents for our own kids. I want to be old enough to see my grandchildren before I have tubes in my nose at a nursing home." Dairine explained.

"But Dairine… are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, this is a huge step in our lives! What if we can't do it?" Roshaun opposed. Dairine laid a hand on his knee.

"Roshaun, that's just it! We _can_ do it! We've been wizards for most of our lives now! After battling the Lone Power countless times _and_ saving the universe, I really think we are capable of handling one or two kids." Dairine explained. Roshaun's face paled a bit more, if possible. Though, it could have been Dairine's imagination.

"Two? I thought we were talking about one! One kid is enough!" Roshaun exploded. Dairine shook her head.

"We are. I only said two because it is possible to have twins. It's a very slim chance, though. I'm very doubtful that I would have twins on a first pregnancy." Dairine said. Roshaun seemed to calm a bit after hearing that.

"Well, if that's the case, I don't see why we cant have a kid." Roshaun said. Dairine smiled. She had expected a loud, point-blank protest against it.

"There's only one rule that we _both_ have to follow." Dairine said. Roshaun cocked his head slightly.

"Like what?"

"We both have to refrain from using magic while we have kids." Dairine said. Roshaun stopped. All was silent.

"What?! Stop using our magic? Dairine, the powers would never allow that! Why, anyways?" Roshaun exploded. Dairine had expected this.

"Well, what if our kids don't turn out wizards like we did? What if we start using magic, and they ask questions? What if they tell people? We can't have that. Until we know for sure that they are wizards, we have to keep ourselves a secret, no matter how long it takes."

"Isn't there some sort of test that we can give them to find out for sure?" Roshaun asked. Dairine shook her head.

"No. and we won't know until they come to us. It will probably be years, but that's the risk we take for parenting." Dairine said quietly. Roshaun said nothing.

"Well, I guess you're right." he finally said, barely audible. Dairine looked up at him and met his gaze.

"Oh, thank you Roshaun! I knew it would all work out!" Dairine flung herself off the couch and wrapped her arms around Roshaun's neck, squealing incoherent things of happiness. Roshaun laughed and hugged her closer.

"Of course it would. If it doesn't, you seem to find a way and make it." Roshaun said. Dairine giggled at this.

"I'm just so demanding and persuasive that way, aren't I?" she asked. Roshaun nodded.

"That you are."

**A/N: Wow, this was quite short. But, it got the point across. **


	6. Dairine and her Cravings

-1**A/N: What jolly good fun! Dairine is pregnant! I'll bet that you guys couldn't wait for this, could you? A pregnant mother and her cravings… Things can't get too much better. **

**Oh, but they can. **

**This was meant to be a short little nothing chapter. Sorry. **

"Roshaun." Dairine prodded his shoulder. He didn't stir.

"Roshaun." she said again, a little louder, poking him again. He let out a soft moan of annoyance.

"Dairine, do you know what time it is?" he asked. Dairine looked aver at the clock.

3:30 AM.

"Roshaun, I'm hungry." she stated. He moaned again.

"We have a kitchen." he pointed out.

"It doesn't have what I want." she argued.

"Well, we also have a car." he pointed out as well.

"Roshaun, I want the blue stuff."

"The blue stuff?" he asked.

"You know, from the Crossings. Blue Stuff." she said. A little light came on in his half-asleep mind. The blue stuff from the Crossings.

"Let me get this straight. It's almost four in the morning, and we've given up our wizardry for now. And here you are, wanting me to go to the Crossings for you, because you're hungry and want the blue stuff?" he asked. Dairine nodded.

"Ugh." Roshaun rolled over on the bed, onto the floor, and slipped on a pair of house slippers.

"I'll be back soon." he promised. Dairine lay back against the pillows.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Nnnnhhh." Roshaun acknowledged, slipping out into the backyard for a transist.

Xxxx

"Dai Sthilo." A metallic centipede-like creature made it's way over to the Transist Circle where Roshaun had currently landed. Roshaun raised one tired hand.

"I am on erranty… sort of… and I greet you." Roshaun mumbled.

"Roshaun! It's been quite a while! How are you?" Sker'ret called in greeting.

"Tired." he answered. Sker'ret looked him up and down.

"You don't look so good. It's almost four o'clock on Earth! What are you dong here?" he asked. Roshaun snapped a thumb over his shoulder at the food place.

"Dairine wants some blue stuff." he answered. Sker'ret followed him over.

"And you listened? That's not the Roshaun I know."

"She's… she's got a kid on the way." Roshaun said, unaware of what he said until he said it. Sker'ret stopped.

"Dairine… is pregnant?!" Sker'ret asked, astonished. Roshaun turned red.

"Er… yeah…" he cautiously continued on. Sker'ret laughed aloud and slapped him on the back.

"Good for you!" he crowed. "What a family you'll make!" Roshaun scowled and placed his order for the blue stuff.

"Gee, thanks." he said. Sker'ret frowned.

"You don't sound too happy. Is this kid like… a mistake or something?"

"No! Nothing like that! I'm just sore about having to get up and get her this…"

"In quite the wrong attire, I must say." Sker'ret eyeballed Roshaun's bare chest and Roshaun blushed again.

"Well, it was early. Can you blame me?"

"You just get on home before an inspector comes along and sees you." Sker'ret laughed and pushed Roshaun towards a transist circle.

"Thanks Sker'ret."

"Anytime. Hold on to that food…"

Xxxx

Roshaun landed in the backyard with a soft pop of displaced air, and looked down at the Blue Stuff. After recognizing that is was, in fact, still in one piece, he shuffled his way up the stairs of the porch and into the house through the back door. After much moaning and griping about how the floor was cold and his feet were going to freeze, dangit, he pushed open the door to the bedroom, to find Dairine sitting up in the bed, with a tub of Chocolate Ice Cream and a spoon in her hand.

"I thought you wanted Blue Stuff!" Roshaun said, though it came out a bit like a pathetic wail. Dairine shrugged and stuffed another spoonful of the ice cream into her mouth.

"I thought I did too! But I changed my mind while you were gone and decided on ice cream instead. What took you so long anyways?" she asked, sloppily and stickily, between bites. Roshaun's shoulders sagged.

"Why couldn't you have thought to me? Like that neato little 'Hearing Each Other's Thoughts' bit?" he whined. Dairine shook the spoon at him in a scolding gesture.

"You know we're not allowed to use magic anymore now! We're on a sort of permanent break! I don't even know why you transisted over to the Crossings in the first place! Honestly Roshaun, I thought you knew better!" Roshaun's jaw went slack, mouth agape.

"But you told me you wanted the Blue Stuff!" he held up the plate of Blue Stuff, still warm, to emphasize a point. Dairine waved it away with her hand.

"You could have asked Kit or Nita to do it for you! Their kid is magic! It's not a big deal in their household!" Dairine pointed out. Roshaun slapped his one free hand to his forehead.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch. G'night." he mumbled from beneath the confines of his hand before turning out of the room, and across the freakishly cold floor, dangit.

He tossed the plate of Blue Stuff onto the table and sank down into the couch, with it's soft, cushy insides. This was the kind of couch that was so soft and cushy that it would eventually eat you if you didn't pay attention to how far you were sinking in.

Roshaun let out a slow and quiet noise, somewhere between a moan and a sigh, now that he was comfortable, and didn't have to get up and go anywhere for the rest of the night.

He felt something watching him, and he lifted the crook of the arm that was covering his face and lifted his head.

There, sitting on the table was the Blue Stuff.

_Well maybe just a little…_

Roshaun went to bed with a full stomach that night. Blue Stuff was now one of his favorite dishes.

**Did I not tell you short? Did I? **

**Well, I happened to like this, and I have plenty of other stories I could write about Dairine being pregnant, but We decided that this was a good one. (We Mary and Myself) **

**Personally, I think my favorite chapter will be coming up either chapter after next or to chapters after next, depending upon how you look at it. **

**Also, I realized that this is going to be one LOOOONG book, if I'm going to continue with their life at a pace like this. 45 chapters? DO you think anyone would still read it? **

**Maybe I should put it into a Trilogy or something. You faithful readers and reviewers would go find the other ones, right?**


	7. Water and Elktric'ty Don't Mix

**A/N: I was watching Nickelodeon and Avatar and I saw a commercial that sparked an idea. This will be very short, I assure you. It's just meant to be **_**there**_**, not any specific purpose but to make you laugh. I hope I get it that far though. **

**I decided that I don't care if these are in order or not now. It takes too long to post them that way. Besides, it's not that confusing.  
The kids are grown up now.**

"Come on, just put on your sweater!" Roshaun pleaded with Alec. Alec, in turn, folded his arms and shook his head.

"Put it on or no more TV for you." Dairine walked past, not even bothering to look at the two boys, for she knew what was going on. If this was how Roshaun was starting out his day, he would never survive Take your Kid to Work Day.

Alec quickly raised his arms above his head with a small gasp, as if the world might end if the TV was taken away. Dairine paused, then stuck her head in the doorway. "And you had better listen to Daddy, or he'll tell me and you won't get TV either." she said. Roshaun got up and kissed her swiftly.

"Thanks for that. I don't know what I'd do without you to keep them in line." Roshaun said. Dairine swatted him playfully on the shoulder.

"You're the other parent. You'd better get control of your kids before they learn to manipulate you." she warned. Roshaun laughed.

"Too late." he then went into the closet to get changed for work.

Dairine was standing at the vanity in her bathroom with a robe around her body and a towel around her head when small fingers crept their way onto the white marble counter, followed by a tiny button nose, a pair of wide, grey eyes and a head of platinum blonde hair. Kari had perched her nose on the counter, and only anything from it, up, was visible. At first, her eyes stared at the blow-dryer plugged in next to the sink, then shot up and locked eyes with Dairine.

"And what are you doing here sweetie?" Dairine bent down to eye-level with her three-and-a-half year-old daughter. Kari smiled, then pointed over the counter at the blow-dryer. Dairine laughed.

"You want this? Here, just don't turn it on." she warned and handed it to Kari. The blow-dryer was more than half the size of her own head, but she held it steady nonetheless. After a few seconds of recuperating herself, Kari began to toddle away.

"No no Kari, let's not do that." Dairine warned. Kari didn't stop, and Roshaun, walking out of the closet fully dressed and ready for work, laughed.

"Don't worry honey, she can't go anywhere. It's plugged in, remember?" he grabbed his briefcase, kissed Dairine on her forehead, and left the house with a lollipop in his mouth and Alec at his side. Right as the door closed, there was a TWAAAAANG and the cord shot out of it's socket and dropped to the floor with a thud.

Kari came around the corner with a bright smile on her face, the blow-dryer in hand. She handed it back to Dairine with the same smile on her face. Dairine waggled her finger at her daughter.

"Thank you Kari, but we don't do that. Mommy has to get ready, so you need to go do something." she plugged in the hair dryer and took the towel off her head, fluffed her wet hair some, then took to it with the blow-dryer. After a minute, it stopped. Dairine looked at it with curiosity, and flicked the switch a few times. Nothing happened. Dairine looked down and saw Kari standing there, large grin on face, with the cord to her blow-dryer in her hand and hanging towards the floor pitifully.

"Kari, didn't I tell you no? Now, go watch the TV." Dairine pushed Kari gently out of the room, annoyed. She went back to drying her hair, but the same thing happened, and Kari was standing there with the sternest look Dairine had ever seen on a three-and-a-half year-old girl.

"No. Water and elktric'ty don't mix." Kari said firmly, with a lisp on her R's. Dairine looked at her.

"What?"

"Water and elktric'ty don't mix." she stated again, then pulled Dairine into the living room, where a commercial was going on TV.

"Never plug things in when there's water around, kids. Because water and electricity don't mix." said a man with a moustache.

"But the outlet has a safety button! I'll be alright." said a lanky man sitting at a bathtub with a boom box and a Spiderman toy in front of a bathtub filled with an assortment of other toys floating in water.

"That is a test button. And test buttons don't always work." said the other man.

"Wow! So I really could get hurt!" said the second.

"So always unplug everything that is near water."

"Because you could get hurt, or worse."

"Remember kids; water and electricity don't mix." said the first. The commercial ended with cheesy music. It was styled for a very old-fashioned commercial, and made with crappy lighting and everything.

"Oh, Kari, honey, mommy is careful and I won't shock myself. I'm careful." said Dairine. Kari's lower lip started to jut out in a pout. She looked so much like Roshaun when he lost a fight that Dairine was startled for a second that he had morphed into a little girl. Her own daughter, no less!

"But you could get hurt, or worse." Kari said with her lisp of the R. Dairine kneeled down to Kari again.

"Kari, there is no water going in the bathroom. I won't get hurt." Dairine struggled for calmness. Kari reached over and touched Dairine's hair with her tiny hand, then put her hand on her cheek. It was damp.

"Water and elktric'ty don't mix. You could get hurt, or worse." Kari's voice was rising. For a girl who didn't talk much, Kari was getting really loud.

"Kari, this is used to take the water out of your hair! This won't hurt me, I promise." Dairine said. Kari's lip wobbled and she had that look in her eye. Dairine had never before seen it in Kari, but Dairine knew it from her countless babysitting jobs as a kid. Kari was about to scream.

"BUT YOU COULD GET HURT! OR WORSE!" the yell vibrated around the house and echoed in the rooms.

"I will not get hurt or worse! STOP SCREAMING!" Dairine had to shout herself to be heard over Kari's shrieks. Finally, when Dairine could stand it no longer, she clamped a hand over Kari's mouth.

"Kari, I will not get hurt." Dairine assured.

"Bah wha abot wos?" Kari mumbled from behind Dairine's hand.

"Or worse either. Now will you stop unplugging mommy's hair dryer?" Dairine asked in a tone that suggested that if Kari didn't say yes, she would be put in timeout. Kari looked at her mother for a second, then shook her head. Dairine let out a sigh.

"Alright then, but you brought this upon yourself." she said.

Xxxx

"MOOOOOOOMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" the shreik echoed throughout the house, but Dairine didn't respond. Kari pounded her fists against the floor of her playpen an anger and distress. Didn't Mommy know that she could get hurt, or worse? Kari screamed again until her face turned blue.

Dairine, however, merely blow-dried her hair to her heart's content.

She wondered how Roshaun was doing with Alec…

**A/N: So, there you go. A nothing little oneshot with no point whatsoever. **

**Remember kids: Water and Electricity don't Mix. **

**Because you could get Hurt, or Worse. **


End file.
